Are you trading statements or making conversations?

The other night I was at a dinner party with a handful of people and noticed an interesting dynamic. There was one gentleman there who was dominating the discussion. He would never ask anybody else a question – but would always have comments and opinions on what others said.

As I’ve said before these kinds of people are what I call “reporters.” They aren’t really curious about what you think or what’s going on in your life or what your goals are. They are only wanting to comment on the world. They report to us.

What I noticed is that after 30 minutes, everyone else stopped making true conversation at the table. This was a group of business executives who typically ask each other questions and are curious about how to do things better.

But this one person had so poisoned the well that everyone at the table was doing nothing but reporting, bragging, and one-upsmanship.

I’ve also seen this happen in one-to-one discussions I’ve had with people where others really aren’t curious about knowing who you are and what you’re up to They are more focused on their own pains, strife and suffering – and want to make sure you know all about it.

That is not a conversation. 

When you get into dialogue with these people you realize quickly that your thoughts don’t matter. That your goals don’t matter. In a way, your life doesn’t matter. What matters to them is that they’re getting their point across.

These people suck your energy. Unless they’re family members, they aren’t worth being around.  If I want to be at my best, I need to surround myself with people who inspire me to be at my best – and who I inspire to be at theirs.

So the next time you’re having a “conversation” with someone, test to see if it’s really a conversation or if you’re just trading statements with them. Seek out those people who you can have intelligent two-way dialogue with. If you find yourself asking all the questions about them and they’re asking nothing about you, run quickly.