(This is another post from a Journal I found from some of my self work several years ago).

What is it inside us that tells us we have to “prove ourself” to others? What is it that warns us that we “just aren’t enough the way we are”? Fascinating questions–ones I ask myself (since I’m a bit afflicted with this condition).

We Are Enough.
My life coach says we all have a basic question, “Will my life matter when I’m gone?” WOW! That’s a bit too deep for this post, but when you think about it, that very question is at the root of why our behavior becomes “prove-myself-behavior.”

In our work with sales people, who I find to be massively afflicted with this condition, I find that we are all starved to be thought of as “credible.” Yet, the prospect cares a lot less about you than they do about their own struggles and pains (a lot less!).

And if you move into that space of “how can I get them to see my value?” then you’ll move away from where you should be, “how can I contribute value by solving their problems?”

So in a sick sort of way, when you are more interested in proving yourself (how smart you are–how great your product is–how valuable your company is) then you do a major disservice to your prospect–you’ve closed up space for him/her to tell you about their issues.

The very thing you’re working toward — a sale — slips away because your intent drifted from the prospect to your ‘self.’

So when you have this feeling that you aren’t enough the way you are, stop and think about your customer and their issues. And focus on those.