THE PATHETIC RESUME

Have you ever seen a bad resume? I haven’t. And it’s time I did. Let me tell you why.

Every resume reader is skeptical of what he reads. Here’s what I think when I read a glowing resume: If this guy were that good, then why is he looking for a job? Or, “if he’s that good, why did his last company let him leave (or let him go)?”

You know my rule: everyone lies. Consequently, here is my dream cover letter that accompanies the resume:

“Thanks for reading this. As you may have seen from my resume, I’ve bounced around a lot in the last five years. I’m not proud of it but it’s a fact. Quite frankly, I haven’t found a company that I want to devote the rest of my life to. Maybe yours is that company. Maybe not.

“I believe that I bring enormous value to an organization. I have listed all of my accomplishments on the resume. However, that means nothing if it isn’t what you’re looking for in an associate. So that brings me to my request. Please read the resume and call me to talk about whether you think I can be of value to your company.  I think we’ll be able to tell pretty quickly.

“If you’re looking for wild promises and embellished accomplishments, you won’t find it from me. I will tell you the truth about what I’m looking for and you can do the same. Regards, Truth Teller.”

Let me know when you get that cover letter. And give that person a shot.