Why Prove Myself? (Part II-The Lost Journal)

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(This is another post from a Journal I found from some of my self work several years ago).

What is it inside us that tells us we have to “prove ourself” to others? What is it that warns us that we “just aren’t enough the way we are”? Fascinating questions–ones I ask myself (since I’m a bit afflicted with this condition).

We Are Enough.
My life coach says we all have a basic question, “Will my life matter when I’m gone?” WOW! That’s a bit too deep for this post, but when you think about it, that very question is at the root of why our behavior becomes “prove-myself-behavior.”

In our work with sales people, who I find to be massively afflicted with this condition, I find that we are all starved to be thought of as “credible.” Yet, the prospect cares a lot less about you than they do about their own struggles and pains (a lot less!).

And if you move into that space of “how can I get them to see my value?” then you’ll move away from where you should be, “how can I contribute value by solving their problems?”

So in a sick sort of way, when you are more interested in proving yourself (how smart you are–how great your product is–how valuable your company is) then you do a major disservice to your prospect–you’ve closed up space for him/her to tell you about their issues.

The very thing you’re working toward — a sale — slips away because your intent drifted from the prospect to your ‘self.’

So when you have this feeling that you aren’t enough the way you are, stop and think about your customer and their issues. And focus on those.

Lost Journal (Part I)

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When my mom died this year, I was amazed as I cleaned out her home, as to how many journals she had, most with only a page or two filled out. Well, it must be in the Caskey DNA because, come to think of it, I have a lot of journals started as well.

In fact, I came across one last week that was more than half full. And it had recaps of some of my personal therapy/coaching/counseling sessions. I give this to you because some of this informs the training that we do at Caskey. It’s “the inner game” work we do. I hope some of these notions can make a slight difference in your life–as they have in mine. I’ll be exploring a few each week until the end of the year.

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It’s never about me. It’s about the problem I’m put on this earth to solve.
This was a good one to start with. It came as a result of my resistance to moving out of my comfort zone. In my training work with people, I see comfort zones as a big roadblock to people (me included) making serious, sustainable changes in their lives. We forever talk about how we “aren’t where we want to be,” but if it takes change, then we resist.

This quote helps me reframe the game–if I see everything as being about me (the money I make, the customers I sell, what I can get out of something), then I will forever be a hostage to my comfort zone.

But if I’m on a journey larger than just satisfying my own needs–and think about my life as having a purpose beyond me, then comfort zones won’t be a problem. If I feel like I have an obligation to live a bigger life, ask a bigger question, serve a bigger purpose, then all the right results will happen.

If you’re a manager, and you have people that you believe are operating inside their comfort zone, have a conversation with them about their bigger story. If they don’t have one, then don’t expect them to move outside their zone much. You, as a manager should use 2007 to help them reframe their bigger journey.

Comments welcome and wanted.

Indicators There is Something Wrong With Your Business Life

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We’re producing a program called The Elite Seller on November 9-10 in Indianapolis. This is a post I did for our Faculty Resource Blog site. Thought it had appropriateness for all subscribers to this as well.

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Thoreau said “most men live lives of quiet desperation, and go to the grave with their song still in them.” Do you feel like you’re sleep-walking through life—doing the same thing over and over? If so, you are not at your creative best.

So “how do I know this is appropriate for me” is a relevant question. We’ve assembled this list of conditions that you might find yourself in. If you check more than 7 of these 14, then The Elite Seller Retreat is appropriate.

__  I have been doing the same thing in the same way for so long it seems like I’m in a rut. I feel like I could be leveraging my talents better.
__  I watch other people have a lot of success in my field, and I wonder “what do they know that I don’t know?”
__  The training I’ve attended leaves me cold and unmotivated. I feel like I could teach it better than the instructor.
__  I’m already working a lot of hours—I would like a way to be more effective in that time. I don’t want to work longer.
__  I feel like the prospect doesn’t get my value. Sometimes I feel like my message leaves them cold and unmotivated to take action. Therefore, selling cycles last too long—and it keeps me from calling on other prospects.
__   Even though I have a lot of experience in sales, my confidence sometimes slips back to where it was years ago.
__  I’m sometimes bored with my job. And occasionally I have this feeling of emptiness. Like what I do isn’t full of meaning and joy.
__  I feel like although my company supports me, I don’t always feel there are mentors inside the firm to take me to the next level.
__  I feel like I don’t have a good plan for my higher success. I sometimes feel like I just go “do” everyday without a good sense that I’m making progress on my personal goals.
__  It’s been years since I’ve worked ON myself and ON my business. Consequently, I’ve been  “doing” and not “thinking intelligently” about whether I’m doing the right things.
__  I feel like those around me are making progress and are using the latest tools and technology. I sometimes feel like  … I’m back in the stone age.
__  I sometimes wonder if my goals are big enough—meaningful enough—or achievable. And therefore I never know if I’m following the right path to get them accomplished.
__  I feel like the game of sales is changing around me—and I’m not sure I’m prepared for it. Not even sure if I’m using the latest sales strategy to acquire and keep customers.
__  I feel like for as long as I’ve been in the business, that prospects should be chasing me. But they aren’t. And I don’t know why.

Take a look again through those. These have come from actual people who have engaged us over the years with the intent of solving those exact problems. Hope this helps to decide if you have enough reason to come to the event.

It’s Never Price!!

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In my observation of sales people, I’ve come to the conclusion that everyone falls on a continuum between highly skilled professional and poorly trained amateur. The people at the latter end of that scale are not bad people–they are just badly trained.

And nowhere does it become more apparent than when the sales person talks about the customer’s perception of “price.” If you want to move even one notch up the scale toward the highly skilled professional then, come to your own conclusion that if you’re talking about price with a customer you’re talking about the wrong topic.

It is never the price.

It is ALWAYS the perception the customer has about your value in relation to the price–but it’s never the price. Not only is it ‘never the price,’ but the words you will use to defend the price are irrelevant.

I could sit here for hours and give you all the clever moves and tactics upfront and in the eleventh hour negotiation process that will help you get out of that price mode, but if your “mind about price” is not right, then the words will never matter.

So I suggest the one thing you do over the coming weekend is get your mind straight about the price of your product/service. And get even more clear about the problem you solve for your customer rather than the price he pays to solve it. Dissect the value you bring the customer with the purchase of your solution–and forget about “justifying price.”

“How Do I Start The Sales Process?”

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Question From Blog Reader:

I’m assuming that you mean: “how do I start the process so that I can control it all the way through?” That’s a better question. In this post, I give you several components of how to handle the very first call.

Read more

Your Prospect is Not Your Enemy!

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We really waste a lot of energy sometimes, don’t we? In a profession that relies on our mind to do the heavy lifting, we certainly fail to think about things in the right way. One example of that is “who we see as the enemy. Read more

Use Your Best Prospect As Your Standard

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We’ve all had that great prospect–the one that invites you in to his office, tells you all about the issues he has, expresses hope that you can help him, pays you what you ask, and faxes in the PO. Wouldn’t it be great if they were all like that. We’ll call that the IDEAL PROSPECT.

I want you to think back to that prospect (it’s irrelevant whether it was last week or last decade). Because as of today, that becomes your standard to which all other prospects are held.

The reason is simple: Most sales professionals have very weak standards when it comes to prospects. We let ’em get away with lying to us, we let them skate the important answers, and we keep calling them back, chasing them like we were pirahnas. In selling, the way I see it, that’s mechanically wrong.

It’s wrong because the person with the solution is the one that should be in control. (That would be you.) And if the prospect isn’t behaving correctly, it’s either bcause he really isn’t a prospect at all. Or, it’s because you haven’t helped him become a good prospect.

So if you find yourself doing the chasing (instead of them chasing you), then you have to raise your standards. And the way you do that is to remember that IDEAL PROSPECT.

What do you do if you’re in front of a prospect who is not behaving correctly? Call him on it.

Say: “Mr. Johnson, usually at this point in the conversation, we’re talking about your problems and we’re discussing solutions. But in this process, all we’re talking about is how great your company is doing without a service like mine. So, it appears that we’re at the end of our dialogue, unless I’m missing something.”

Remember, you are not manipulating him–or trying to make him say something you want him to say. You are simply calling the game on him, and letting him know that he’s not a prospect because he’s not acting like one. And then you proceed to tell him exactly how most prospects act at this time.

This keeps you strong and in control by raising the standard of how ALL of your prospects should act. If they don’t act that way, move on.

“Desperation” is Not a (Good) Strategy

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I  had a call yesterday from a client who was struggling to get first appointments. I asked him to role play what the phone conversation sounded like…and it was obvious what was happening.

Even though he was saying the right words (“Not sure I can help”, “I’d like to inqure to see if we can be of any value”) there was an *undertone* of desperation. The prospect has a sixth sense that picks up on that. So my coaching advice was simple: rather than work on the words you say–work on the thoughts you think.

He was relieved when we finished the call. His new attitude was one of “discernment and skepticism.” He said he was going to enter each phone call with a discerning attitude–being a little stodgy with his time, not chasing people to see him, and acting from a place of curiosity–rather than certainty.

Attitude changes your words and the tone with which you say the words. And that’s what leads to more appointments.

Who’s Approval Are You Waiting For?

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Malcolm Fleschner (www.sellingpower.com) just wrote a nice piece in the latest issue. He quoted us extensively in it. Thought you’d get a kick out of reading it. Who Loves Ya’ Baby?

One of the issues he brings up is the idea of “calling the game.” When someone is lying to you, you must call it out–or else it’s you who is out of integrity. I don’t talk about that much in Same Game New Rules, but it’s a fact. Every time you have a feeling (that you’re being misled by your customer) and you fail to call him on it, you lose self-esteem.

Now, there are ways to call it and ways NOT to call it. I prefer the very soft, simple approach we might call,”Broaching The Subject.”  You say, “John, a couple of things don’t jibe with me. Can I bring it up then you react to it?”

I like that approach because there is no pressure. You aren’t accusing him/her of lying. You make it an “I” message. “It’s just me not having understood something.”

By “broaching the subject”, you send a signal that you are listening intently to what he’s saying. And that you take this whole thing seriously. When you’re getting misled, you have to call it–and not worry about the approval (or lack thereof).

Hope that helps with the courage to take a stand and demand the truth.

Come to think of it…we just did a podcast on the topic of truth as well.